I saw this quote floating around about mom on social media that read, “toxic mothers are just as bad as absent fathers, but no one is ready for that talk”. As the founder of a single mom brand, I found this quote funny. My relationship with my mama wasn’t all unicorns and rainbows, I wouldn’t equate it to toxic either. Still, I think this is a conversation that’s long overdue.
Yesterday I shared a message for single moms on our Instagram page and the comments went a little south and forced me then ask another question that really set the comments on fire. “How many of you find it difficult to talk to/ relate to your mother?” What I realized is that this is a necessary conversation that has to happen and it has to happen more often.
There are too many of us trying to parent on E. We don’t have enough love or money or time or understanding and everyday we still get up and do what we have to do. We should not still have to fight for those same things from our mothers too. Lets decide right now to let go of that fight and let it be what it is. How? Lets look at some ways
- Relax on your expectations. Yes this is your mother, but as with any other person or event in our lives it’s important that we understand that many of our mothers are dealing with childhood trauma’s that they too cannot shake. A huge part of forging a healthy new relationship is understand accepting them for who they are even it that is not what you expect them to be.
- Listen to understand, not to respond. A lot of times we already know what we’re gonna say before they other person has a chance to complete their sentence. This time, be quiet. Just listen.
- Set boundaries.
- Act like a grown woman. That means have some respect for your mother’s position.
- Give the problem time. When you have real issues that affect real relationships it needs time and patience.
- Be patient. Someone else’s healing is not on your clock.
- Decide how you want your relationship to be with your child and start to set that standard with your mother.
- Be open and be honest. It might sting a little, but in order for your mom to completely get you she has to get all of you. Maybe not all at one time, but all.
- Regardless of how you feel keep the respect for her.
- Remember that it’s not your responsibility to fix her. As much as we would love to, that part is up to her. We can be supportive, but we cannot do the work for her.
These are just a few tips. What would you add to the list?