Guest Post: Written by Ashley G.
Breaking up is hard to do, especially when you have children involved. Still, you and your family deserve to be happy and that’s okay. I talk to single moms all the time who feel pressured to continue a relationship because he’s the father. You should never feel pressured. What you have is a choice and you should be allowed to choose. Now, I don’t want you thinking that I would rather you be broken up, no. What I will say is this, if you feel for any reason like the the relationship is over, it can be over. I would like nothing better than for us all to work it out with the father, but in some cases we are way past that.
Why You Feel Guilty
When we choose to break up with someone we have a child with, it then looks like we are willing to break-up the family which then makes us look selfish or careless. That is where your guilt is coming from. You want to please everyone and you don’t want any ill-will and so forth and that’s cool. I felt that same guilt after the demise of my second relationship with my second child’s father. I had to understand why it ended, what was best for our daughter, what I wanted in a loving committed relationship and that the demise was not my all mine to bare. Too many of us are allowing ourselves to carry this blame and that blame is not yours to carry. Accept your part in the breaking up and figure out how to move forward.
How To Break Up For Good
These words can be so scary and uncomfortable for a single mom. It’s scary because all these different thoughts of being alone or unwanted. We feel like the demise of a relationship says something about us and it’s not good. We fail to realize that the breaking up is sometimes the blessing. There is no rule book for relationships with single moms and dads at the forefront. We’re trying to figure shit out too. Do understand this though, nowhere does it say you should remain with a man who has proven to be abusive, disrespectful or dangerous. You do not have to settle for less just because we have a child. If you are the mom who has tried to work it out, communicate, love, understand, listen, accept and nurture a man who rejects it, it’s okay to leave for good. No one is blaming you. Noone is shaming you.
Decide what it is you want and work towards that. At the end of the day, you can say you tried, it didn’t work, i’m leaving because I wanna be happy.