As single mothers we have our fair share of issues when it comes to dating, but I want to bring another side of dating to your attention. I’ve never had to deal with the infamous ‘baby mama drama’. My daughters are the oldest, only and only girl their fathers. I don’t present any drama nor do I tolerate it. A few weeks ago I had disagreement with the girlfriend of one of my girls’ dad. First time so I wanted to make sure I handled it without name calling and going off. Sis overstepped though which compelled me to write this piece.
Dating is different when you’re dating a single father. Now you have to consider all the things you’d want someone else to consider for your child for his and it can be touch and go. You never know what the mother of his child is like, what she prefers or not. To help ease you into dating, I wanted to share a few of my ‘rules’ for dating single fathers.
Rule number 1 – Be considerate. You have kids, but don’t forget that he has kids too. In the middle of the time you want to spend with him, he also has to divide that time with his child. Be okay with that.
Rule number 2 – You don’t need to try to be mom, just be a mom figure. Someone his daughter can look up to and someone his son can respect as his own mother. We are mothers so it’s hard to put that down in any situation, but it’s okay.
Rule number 3- If you feel compelled to mediate, speak with both parents first. Don’t step on their toes.
Rule number 4 – Sometimes he lies. Understand that. You don’t have to treat him as if every word is a lie, but do consider all sides before you make or jump to any conclusions.
Rule number 5- Don’t be a supportive fool sis. Just because you’re dating him does not mean you go deaf and blind. You should be able to call him on his wrongs as a father without insulting him or offending him.
Rule number 6- You don’t need permission to support him.
Rule number 7 – Never come between him and his ability to effectively and physically parent. Goes back to being considerate.
Rule number 8 – Make sure that you are clear on the child’s mother’s beliefs, feelings and stance as their mother. You don’t want to come off as a girlfriend with no regard for the mother of the child. Depending on the maturity of the mother, considering her place as mom, this will help to create a drama free relationship between you both.
Rule number 9- Don’t uphold his wrong doings.
Rule number 10- Establish a genuine relationship with the child. He or she should feel as comfy with you as with mom or dad. Kids are not hard to love or have love you.
Rule number 11 – Make sure mom is okay with what dad wants you to do. Whatever it is.
Rule number 12 – Don’t perm, cut, color or transform his child’s hair in any shape or form. Not without permission.
Rule number 13 – You cannot beef with mama and expect the kids to be comfy with you. They will have questions that they deserve answers to.
Rule number 14 – Be respectful.
Rule number 15 – Ask questions. If you feel like you might be overstepping ask. Also consider what you’d expect from someone dating your childs father. Be that.
Enough with the drama and misunderstandings sis. Learn to communicate with each other as women and adults.