Single parenting can be a mess. It can be exhausting and heavy or it can be easy and light. We can do it with a laugh or we can do it with anger. Some of us have mastered the art of single parenting and we don’t have a problem with communicating, sharing events and information and even time. But what happens when we are still in the angry phase, the phase that has a wall up.
Whether we want to agree or not, we know that in order to effectively parent and do our part as mom and dad we each have to be willing to let each other in as it relates to the child. We can’t do that if we are continuously playing the blame game…”I blame you for leaving”…”I blame you for not doing your part”. Today we’re going to learn to talk without blame
Blame is a result of not forgiving, refusing to accept responsibility or accountability. What we have to do as women and mothers is stop pointing the finger, no matter if he continues to do so or not, and learn to talk about today –right now. I have gone from screaming and yelling to blaming and shutting out to being open and inviting. I didn’t want to be the mom who kept a father or driving a wedge between the two.
Here are some pointers I used stop blaming and started talking:
- I took some time. I gave myself some space from him. It allowed me to clear my head and think clearly about what I wanted my girls to see when I was face to face with their fathers.
- I forgave myself. This is the toughest part because it forces you to look at you, but it’s necessary.
- I stopped talking at him and started talking to him.
- I gave him room to get it wrong and come back to get it right.
- I didn’t expect perfection. I showed grace.
- I had to understand that the same challenges I faces as a single mom he may of faced as a father
- I reset the tone. I didn’t let it go on ineffectively. I shared what I thought would better work for us as parents and that was the standard I expected from both of us.
Talking to talk is the business. We cannot continue to point the finger or blame if we are not willing to do our part and meet halfway, even if he is not ready to meet you. To grab the complete guide, click here: How To Talk Without Blame